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My Journey with Feedback Overwhelm

For years, at work, I felt like criticism was a personal attack on my wiring. A manager's blunt email about a project flaw felt like a spiral.

A colleague's "constructive" suggestion during a meeting, and my mind would fog up, defenses rising like walls.

I'd replay the words endlessly, leading to shutdowns or overreactions.

I assumed this was just me, too sensitive, not cut out for the corporate grind. But then I shifted my perspective…

Uncovering the Pattern

Every time feedback hit, the sequence was predictable:

1. Initial Sting (0–3 seconds): Absorbing the words as a threat.

2. Mental Fog (3–10 seconds): Thoughts scrambling, emotions amplifying.

3. Reactive Mode (10+ seconds): Defensiveness, withdrawal.

This wasn't "personality", it was a loop I could interrupt.

After experimenting, I built a “simple” approach to process criticism calmly. It took about 30 practice runs to embed it, but now it kicks in automatically, often in under 10 seconds.

The Feedback Clarifier Algorithm

Trigger: Harsh-seeming feedback or criticism (even if partially true).

Processing Sequence:

1. Pause – Take 2 seconds of mental silence (no inner monologue).

2. Identify – Label it: "I'm feeling [emotion, e.g., defensive/hurt] because [specific trigger, e.g., the tone felt abrupt]."

3. Separate – Break it down: What's the valid signal (useful truth)? What's “noise” (delivery style, my assumptions)?

4. Extract – Pull the insight: "The signal means [actionable takeaway, e.g., I need to refine my approach]."

5. Choose – Decide: "I'll respond by [intentional action, e.g., asking for clarification calmly]."

Output: Turn reaction into response. Use the truth without the emotional baggage.

A Real Workplace Example

Picture this: Your boss emails, "This report misses key data, redo it ASAP." It feels curt, but you know the data gap is real.

Old Me: Absorb the sharpness → Feel criticized → Get anxious, delay work, or snap back.

New Approach:

1. Pause (Silent breath, count to two).

2. Identify ("I'm feeling defensive because the tone seems harsh.")

3. Separate (Signal: The report indeed needs fixing. Noise: The "ASAP" might just be urgency, not anger.)

4. Extract ("The signal is to improve accuracy for better results.")

5. Choose ("I'll prioritize the fixes and reply professionally.")

Result: No resentment. I fix the report efficiently, even thank them for the catch. Conversation stays productive.

Try It This Week!

Start small:

1. Pick a Low-Stakes Trigger: Like mild feedback from a peer.

2. Run the Steps: Use a phone note as a cheat sheet.

3. Track It: Note what worked, aim for 10 reps. It gets smoother fast.

This approach honors neurodiversity by working with our brains, not against them.

In the workplace, it means turning potential pitfalls into strengths, like deeper self-awareness and resilience.

If you enjoyed this post, or know people who can benefit from it. Please spread the word. They can subscribe at neurodiversediary.io/subscribe

Lastly,

Stay Different,

The AuDHD Exec

Disclaimer: I am not your psychiatrist, coach, doctor. Neurodiverse Diary does not provide medical services or professional counselling and is not a substitute for professional medical care. Everything I publish represents my opinions, experience, not advice.