CONTEXT

"Dear Lucy"

I interviewed for a role and the hiring manager seemed very sweet and we got on.

I got the job the same day just before I boarded a plane for a holiday. I even got an increase in my pay, I was delighted.

However, I kid you not from the first week it felt strange.

I want to help you spot potential signs that you may be dealing with a Neuro different boss at work.

Back to the matter…

She was very quiet for someone who scored as an "extrovert", on those personality tests.

Of all of the people I've worked for in my career, the vibe was 'different' from the offset.

First Encounter:

I had an induction meeting with someone from the sales team to walk me through what they do etc, I was running late as I had an emergency which I informed the recruiter who placed me there to inform Lucy (as I didn't have her number at the time)

She overreacted and responded to the recruiter that "I wasn't serious about the role"

It left a bad taste in my mouth, nevertheless, I vowed to put things right, the week after I was laser-focused and she was okay again.

I found out that the person I replaced, resigned due to them feeling 'burned out' which I overlooked at that moment.

I was the first to join, Lucy then hired an ex-colleague of hers who was set to join and later another colleague to solidify the team. I thought, perhaps it was a "me" personality problem.

Until the other guys joined and had the same experiences as me.

I will say this though, Lucy was f*cking:

• Driven

• Focused

• Determined

• Resilient

Cracking qualities for a leader.

She had gone through a lot in her personal life in very quick succession.

• Going through a divorce

• Losing both her parents

She's a "chaos survivor" and I personally think she may be an ADHDer like me. I could be wrong!

That aspect of her I liked a lot because perhaps I'm the same…

She was bolder than me at displaying those characteristics as I was probably concerned about how I would appear.

Upon her assessment of me, she called me a 'deep thinker', based-off the 'interesting' and 'thought-provoking' conversations I would bring up.

She was absolutely spot on, I am a deep thinker and she's the only person to call me that. This was all pre (my ADHD) diagnosis btw. I was thinking why did she call me that?

We actually had A LOT in common:

We're both avid readers. We would spend a lot of time talking about the book The 48 Laws of Power.

Her frequent phase was 'in the zone' each time she was busy, which I've adopted when I'm laser-focused.

Neither of us found Accounting as stimulating as it once was.

Sadly, one day we received an email from the CEO of the company informing us that Lucy had “decided to leave", with "immediate effect" and on “amicable terms”, all her electronic communications were immediately disabled.

None of us within the team knew what happened... And I never got to say 'bye', or 'thank you' to her...

But Lucy, if you ever stumble across this post, I'd like to thank you massively, particularly for your contagious work ethic, your high energy, and your attitude and I'm sure it'll serve me well in my career.

P.S. I also wonder if you suspected whether I was a neurodivergent?

DEEP DIVE

In today's post, I'll share what I believe are the signs to look out for when working for a potential neurodivergent boss and how to maneuver.

1. Irritability

2. Hyperfocus

3. Impulse Control

4. Sensitive

5. Night Owls

6. Intelligence

7. Anxiety

8. Competitiveness

Here we go…

1) Irritability:

Is your boss likely to get pissed off over the little things? I mean even if you accidentally mispronounce a word?

Sometimes it feels like you're walking on eggshells with them and it causes a sort of anxiety.

I remember at the end of each day having to write a journal about how my day went.

The ups and downs, and about what I thought 'pissed 'Lucy' off. I would write them down, helping me spot her triggers, endeavoring to not make the same 'mistakes'

For example, she was pedantic about not drinking coffee with milk i.e. Mocha, Latte, etc in the afternoon!

According to her, drinking milk coffee should be done in the morning, not in the afternoon.

My thinking at the time was: "Mate, I'm entitled to drink what the heck I want" Nevertheless in the spirit of harmony, the team understood this and 'played' along.

2) Hyper Focus

Lucy recommended a brilliant book "Relentless" by Tim Grover, the trainer of the legend Michael Jordan.

One of her (and now my) favourite lines was "I'm going in the zone"

Each time she did this, she would lock in and be on 'do not disturb' mode for hours! It was quite impressive.

Upon reflection, during this period what I think they need more, are people who are reliable and can take the load off their plates.

This will enable them to comfortably be in that zone, or hyperfocus mode for longer periods.

I understood what her "in the zone" status meant and I dear not ask any silly questions or disturb her for anything insignificant.

3) Impulse control

Office Gossip:

Some people love to know what's happening in the office... My approach is to stay out of the office gossip.

I'd like to think I'm somewhat self-aware and for me, gossiping is a form of lack of self-control and impulse control. Especially when you've had a glass of wine!

I mean, we're all guilty of this including myself, but if I have something on my chest, I'd much prefer to bring it to the relevant person's attention, 'hash it' out and leave it there.

Each time there's a gossip rant on the way, I listen, I try not to partake and switch the subject, as discreetly as possible.

I know my strengths and operate carefully around uncomfortable situations.

Our Impulse control (generally speaking) is not the best. In the work setting we're expected to be professional, and that includes keeping things confidential. Lips sealed

4) Sensitive:

As firm as some managers may be at giving directions, feedback, and criticism. See how they too take constructive criticism.

A lot of companies use the '360 feedback' approach. Make sure to take advantage of that, if you work for a company that offers this.

Or if you have any form of 1:1 catchups with your line managers use that opportunity to give them your feedback.

See how they react or take it, do they take it personally, do they hold grudges and are likely to use that against you?

5) Night Owls

I remember having my first 1:1 meeting with Lucy and the first thing she brought up was ways of working to our strengths.

She mentioned that she's a night owl and it's something she's discovered about herself.

Research indicates that neurodivergent individuals are more likely to exhibit night owl tendencies.

I remember her mentioning that she has trouble falling asleep at night time, 3 am being when she tends to fall asleep.

It's starting to make sense now. I took one of those DNA tests along with the traits test and to my surprise (at the time) it revealed that I'm likely to be a night owl.

6) Intelligence:

They just tend to have a super unique level of intelligence that's somewhat immeasurable and admirable. I'm not talking book smart stuff, I'm talking about ways of thinking, how they view the world, philosophy, etc.

Almost like out-of-this-world type thinking and a pearl of godlike wisdom which I'm a low-key sucker for.

7) Anxiety:

Clear communication

When you're dealing with potential Neurodivergent bosses, state clearly what you're gonna do and make sure you f*cking do it. Otherwise, you're f*cked.

From experience, they have levels of anxiety, and they need people they can trust, so you better deliver!

If there are any problems along the way communicate them so they are aware of the situations and there are no surprises.

That way you cover your asses, and they don't have 'anything on you'.

Document

I lightly touched on this here, but I think this is more so vital in the context of managing upwards with a potential neuro difference.

After each discussion, ensure you put it to writing, so you can always refer to it later, if necessary. "If it's not documented it didn't happen"

If your manager is like me, who may struggle with auditory processing. Ensure you document what you've discussed.

In 'Lucy's' defence, we used to have a shared Google Docs file where after each team meeting, we would all take turns to explain what our priorities were and write them on the doc.

She would send a link to the file and expect us to get it done, and if not provide a valid reason.

8) Competitiveness

If you've been reading the previous posts, you'll see that I refer to something as 'psycho-competitive' that some managers are like.

Their competitiveness is on steroids. Might even appear offputting to some, but for me I quite like it.

I like winning, the feeling it gives me is priceless. These individuals are driven, and you dare not get in their way!

These people want the best and demand a lot from themselves.

My onboarding process with my 'suspected' neuro-divergent bosses was quicker, had a steep learning curve, and hell but I learned a lot during that time.

If I was told off for something, I'd be damned if I made the same mistake twice. I vowed to level up each time.

RECAP

1. It’s possible you may work or have worked for a neuro-diverse boss

2. Neuro-diverse bosses have unique strengths

3. You can learn a thing or two from them

MEME OF THE WEEK

Finally,

If you know anyone who can learn a thing or two from my newsletter, please spread the word. 🙏

Stay Different,

The ADHD Exec

Disclaimer: I am not your psychiatrist, coach, doctor. Neurodiverse Diary does not provide medical services or professional counselling and is not a substitute for professional medical care. Everything I publish represents my opinions, experience, not advice.