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Today is part III of growing up neurodivergent with Immigrant Parents series.

I was a big dreamer! Still am, some might call it delusional. As discussed in last week’s post, I went to college/uni focused.

Couldn’t care less about making additional friends throughout.

I was sure that if I made it out of the education system, the sky was the limit.

I landed my first finance job after college/university, and I thought this was it.

On my first day, I arrived in a suit and my dad’s tie. I was serious. All my colleagues dressed very casually, jeans, shirt, etc.

I was overdressing the team. A senior member told me I don’t have to dress up that smart 🤦🏾‍♂️.

I observed and listened to the office dynamics, the talk with each other about their weekends. I’m thinking, what the heck has this gotta do with work?

When I was asked how my weekend was, I kept it very brief. “It was fine, I didn’t do much”.

I could sense a slight frustration from my team. I appeared either “bland” or “secretive”.

They flagged that I kept saying the same thing (“my weekend was fine, I didn’t do much”) every week.

I was socially awkward, especially earlier in my career.

Probably due to my neurodivergence (undiagnosed at the time)

Coupled with the pressure from my immigrant parents to “make it” and their ignorance of how the corporate jungle works.

I didn’t feel safe being myself in this first job, nor was I a good actor. I’m dealing with a lot at the time:

• Imposter syndrome

• Understanding work social cues

• Anxiety

To say it was tough is an understatement! There weren’t any employee-assisted programs that I was aware of.

Nor was I even aware of therapy. I read a bunch of self-development books, hoping to learn a thing or two, and that was it.

I was lucky to have a supportive supervisor back then. And when she left, it was tough; I left shortly after.

I’m quite a reflective person. The learnings I took from that experience would go on to help me later in my career.

I had to come out of my shell and get more sociable

Ask people how they are: this is something I was terrible at. I just assumed people are fine and I “spoke when spoken to”.

But from my colleague’s POV, I probably looked arrogant, antisocial. Always having my headphones on. There were no hybrid or WFH options at the time.

If small talk is hard for you, script it. “How was your weekend? “Any plans this weekend?”

I used to keep small talk work-related stuff, and not talk about my personal stuff outside of work.

From experience, colleagues like talking about things outside of work. Tomorrow’s talk will be about:

i) Oleksandr Usyk, being a three-time heavyweight boxing champion

ii) Cold play shenanigans!

I quickly understood what “team fit” meant. And how a lack of it can be used against you for:

• Promotion

• Progression

• And new jobs

I remember telling myself, if improving:

• Socially

• Masking

Is what I gotta do to survive and progress in the corporate jungle, then f*ck it. I’ll do what I gotta do!

Surviving the workplace with the triple A’s (ADHD, Autism & Anxiety) is no easy task!

Probably explains why I was big on self-development from back then.

I just needed to get the “results” without factoring in what it would cost me mentally.

The pressure to “make it” was for myself, but also to repay my immigrant parents and help them pay the bills, voluntarily!.

I’d like to think I did a decent job at that. But truth be told, I’m still paying the cost for it mentally. In the form of:

• Therapy

• Coaching

• Journaling

• Self care

I’m very grateful that mental health and neurodiversity awareness have increased, and tools are available to support us.

My hope is that this newsletter can be of help, too!

If you enjoyed this post, or know people who can benefit from it. Please spread the word. They can subscribe at neurodiversediary.io/subscribe

Interesting stuff I stumbled across on the web this week…

Lastly,

Stay Different,

The AuDHD Exec

Disclaimer: I am not your psychiatrist, coach, doctor. Neurodiverse Diary does not provide medical services or professional counselling and is not a substitute for professional medical care. Everything I publish represents my opinions, experience, not advice.