Today's the final series on Boundaries. I saved the best to last! This one's on personal space.

You may be familiar with the serenity prayer.:

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the Wisdom to know the difference”

Boundaries are easy to see in the physical world i.e.:

• Gates with dogs

• Barbed wires

• Fences

• High walls

The owner of the above properties is legally responsible for what happens to their property.

It’s the same concept in the non-physical world. Our property is our:

• Mental health

• Energy levels

• Happiness

I look at boundaries this way:

In our personal lives, the two main 'trespassers' to our boundaries, are:

• Family

• Friends

Both of these will have their reasons for feeling entitled!

My daily life can move fast: from school drop-offs and pick-ups for the kids to a full day of work and a bedtime routine.

So my free time is really from the evenings, and I can only do so much before it's bedtime!

A few things about me:

• I'm an introvert with a neurodifference

• I love my company with my mind

• I hate the external 'noise', distraction

Such is life and I have to cope with the demands of people I love.

My Solution..

Below are my go-to tactics for helping me maintain healthy boundaries, on a personal level.

Enabling me to maintain peace and harmony:

1) Do Not Disturb mode

My phone is on DND mode for pretty much the entire day when working. I get overstimulated when I'm getting a lot of notifications and it can ruin my flow.

Which I now have to recalibrate and slow down, losing productive time. My family is on my favourites, so they're more than free to contact me at any time.

2) Schedule time to go through your notifications

Following on from DND mode.

After work's done, I'll spend some time going through my notifications, responding to friends, group chat messages etc.

I used to check notifications on my phone during working hours and got nothing done at work, hence I decided to incorporate DND and scheduled time.

There is no requirement to respond to every message promptly

3) Have an open conversation:

Sometimes this is all it takes. I have a lifelong friend, that doesn't yet have children. Most of his close friends have started families of their own.

My friend felt distant, I expected him to understand my dynamics.

But how could he if his life is different? Sometimes when you're in your feelings your thinking can become cloudy.

I had to explain:

"Yo bruh, it's difficult now, going through the act of being an active father, I'm regularly getting invited to kids’ parties, and my weekends are taken.

I need to protect my energy levels.

I still care about you, but communication may not be as frequent as it used to be, and we may not see each other as frequently as we used to”

It was tough, but he got it. The end result is what we were after!

4) Be more intentional

With the above point, I aim to be as intentional as possible.

When I'm meeting my friends, I put the event in my shared calendar with Mrs AuDHD Exec, so she's aware and it doesn't clash with any event we already have.

I'm intentional with:

• Messaging my friends: I speak to friends pretty much every other day via text or social media.

• Calling my friends: I try and give them a call, to check in on how they are. Hearing their voices rekindles the friendships to maintain energy levels

5) Linkups with them

Whether it's:

• Hosting each other at our homes

• Playing soccer with them

• Playing Call of Duty with them online

This rekindles friendships, keeps the peace, and ensures them that "I'm still around".

6) No calls past a certain time

Warning: This one may upset the entitled ones.

For me, it's 10 pm

Here's what Christiano Ronaldo had to say about this.

Could he be a neurodivergent? 👀 

Phone calls this late can be overstimulating for me, eventually impacting the quality of my sleep.

Which I desperately need for the little humans I have to look after when they're awake early.

Final Thoughts

Before I had boundaries, I was someone who got irritated quite easily. I assumed people read my mind, how can they if:

• I'm not communicating

• I haven't set anything in place

Since I've set boundaries in place, I get

• less anxious

• less annoyed.

From time to time I may lapse, but it's noticeably better than before.

That's it for our series on boundaries. Hope you enjoyed it.

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Finally,

Stay Different,

The AuDHD Exec

Disclaimer: I am not your psychiatrist, coach, doctor. Neurodiverse Diary does not provide medical services or professional counselling and is not a substitute for professional medical care. Everything I publish represents my opinions, experience, not advice.