Examples of a few people that have experienced greatness as suspected and known neuro differences:

• Michael Jordan

• Steve Jobs

• Bill Gates

• Kanye West

We tend to glorify people for the ideas they come up with and execute. These people have created amazing products and services.

Robert Greene once said, 'Sometimes it's necessary for them to display this dark side to reach new heights. Creative people use their dark energy; their dark energy allows them to be creative'

Is there a healthy balance? Who knows?

Exhibit A. Michael Jordan

If you take away the competitive nature of Michael, who is believed to have ADHD, who knows whether he would have won six championship rings?

I personally don't think he would have. In the Netflix series 'The Last Dance' he showed his dark side and demanded a lot from himself and his teammates. He was freaking relentless.

Exhibit B. Steve Jobs

Although not formally diagnosed, the legend Steve Jobs (RIP) was said to have displayed elements of neuro differences. Speculation has it to be either Dyslexia, Autism, or ADHD. He was considered

• Authoritative at times

• Harsh with criticism

• Insensitive communicator

Just like any human, he wasn't perfect. In my opinion, that 'dark energy' was necessary for him to be creative and come up with some of the best innovations that I've witnessed in my life.

My personal issue:

Inasmuch as we've benefited from the dark side of the above via their innovation & entertainment, I was hesitant to show this side of myself throughout my accounting career.

I was very conscious of how it would make me look, I spent a lot of time 'people-pleasing' to mask my symptoms, such as:

• Being irritable when things don't go according to plan

• Abruptly interrupting someone when they're not making sense of something.

• Being disagreeable - I was hesitant at pushing back at times and saying no.

Although my ADHD diagnosis was relatively recent, I kinda felt I was wired differently anyway; this somewhat made me have impostor syndrome in my career.

I paid a big price for being a p*ssy at times!!

And some more workplace challenges:

• One has to be careful not to be disrespectful.

• Always maintain a level of professionalism.

Especially in managerial roles!

Once upon a time as a Finance Manager, I managed a team of five and I had one Management Accountant who wasn’t particularly good at receiving feedback.

On one occasion during our weekly one-on-one weekly catch-up via Teams, something like the below went down; we’ll call the Management Accountant 'Alice'.

Me: 'This week we need to pay our suppliers, it makes more sense for you to process the payment and me to authorise it to demonstrate delegation of authority.'

Alice: 'Can’t someone else do it? I shouldn’t be doing that.'

Me: 'I shouldn’t be doing that either, but I did it for the benefit of the team and to ensure our suppliers get paid on time.'

Alice: 'That’s not my problem if you did it last time, why don't you do it again, I don’t want to do it.'

Me: 'Alice, this is a failure to our internal controls if you’re authorizing my work. I only did it last time as my approval rights weren't set up and we promised our suppliers we’ll pay them. How will it look if I’m approving Max’s (my line managers’) work?'

Alice: 'I will not be BULLIED!' and turns her camera off and starts crying.

I apologised for making her cry. Nevertheless, I stood my ground regarding the policies and I wasn't worried about the repercussions of the event as I felt I was very respectful and professional.. Even when my authority was compromised!!!

She eventually reported me to HR for ‘bullying’ allegations.

Back to the original point:

But back to the ‘dark side’ approach, let’s say I took a Michael Jordan approach when having that discussion with Alice... Probably fair to assume that I’d be sacked in a heartbeat.

For the record, upon HR investigation, I kept my job as I was innocent, but it’s still rather annoying as you don't want any association with bullying allegations or stigmas attached to your name!

My dark side:

1. Anger

2. Aggression

3. Rage

One of my ADHD symptoms is that I have a bad temper when triggered. Many years ago (prior to my diagnosis), one of my uncles (whom I suspect has some sort of Neuro difference) told me 'take that anger out on your books.'

It's the single best advice I've been given on managing that aspect of my ADHD.

It enabled me to hyperfocus when studying/revising for my accounting exams. It enabled me to demand more from myself.

Even in challenging and busy periods at work I tend to tap into this energy to get over the finish line and meet deliverables.

Being angry gives me the energy I need to crack on with difficult/daunting tasks.

As Robert Greene once said, 'That dark side contains a lot of energy and power, when you suppress it you're getting rid of that well of energy that can push you to being creative.'

Final Thoughts:

Since being diagnosed, everything seems to make sense to me. I’m starting to embrace and love my ‘difference’. I’m still navigating when it’s really not appropriate to manifest the dark side, as I think there’s a time and a place for it.

The ADHD Exec

Disclaimer: I am not your psychiatrist, coach, doctor. Neurodiverse Diaries does not provide medical services or professional counselling and is not a substitute for professional medical care. Everything I publish represents my opinions, experience, not advice.