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My Early Career Struggle

Early in my career, I would arrive at my desk each day with the hope of getting shit done before people started arriving.

There was a lady who we’ll call “Anna”. She was a total chatterbox. I’d match her energy to the point I forgot I had a deadline to meet. I’d lose minutes of work due to meaningless conversations, and subsequently pay for it by staying late.

Unfortunately, at that time we didn’t have hybrid working or hot desking, so I couldn’t just go somewhere else.

The Neurodivergent Reality

Research shows that small talk can be especially draining for neurodivergent (autistic and ADHD) brains due to higher cognitive load and differences in social processing.

Small talk can be hard for a lot of us. If we’re in our social element, we won’t know when to stop. There’s a high chance we may lose focus and get nothing done.

At the same time, we don’t want to be labelled for “lack of team fit,” compromising our prospects.

In my case, neurodivergent people-pleasing caused time blindness; a well-documented ADHD trait linked to executive dysfunction. The irony was that “Anna” would finish work on time!

My Passive-Aggressive Response

Slighted and pissed off, I went rogue and started plugging in my headphones to signal “do not disturb” mode. A passive-aggressive move.

Every so often she’d still disturb me for more small talk. She probably wondered how I went from chatting excessively to radio silence — almost antisocial.

What I Wish I Had Done

Upon reflection, I could’ve done better.

1) I could’ve communicated respectfully that I was busy.

2) Small talk time limit. It shouldn’t take more than 3 minutes. Ask how they are, let them reciprocate (if not, even better).

3) It’s okay to revisit things later. You can message them on work instant messaging if you want to continue the conversation.

A Better Way Forward

If you’re concerned about not being rude, these are friendly ways to signal you’re busy and have things to do, without actually saying those words.

It keeps you focused on your tasks without compromising the social aspects of work.

Early in my career this was challenging because I’d get frustrated internally when I was locked in, and someone wanted to chit-chat. But I would remain silent because I was worried I’d hurt someone’s feelings by abruptly stopping the conversation.

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In other neuro-related news I found interesting this week…

• Addictive social media worsening ADHD symptoms in adolescent boys.

• If you’re wondering what the best career is for the neurodivergent is…

Lastly,

Stay Different,

The AuDHD Exec

Disclaimer: I am not your psychiatrist, coach, doctor. Neurodiverse Diary does not provide medical services or professional counselling and is not a substitute for professional medical care. Everything I publish represents my opinions, experience, not advice.