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The Skill I Didn’t Realise I Was Building

One of the life skills I’ve developed from being neurodivergent is resilience. Amongst all the setbacks in life, I’m still standing!

What the Science Says:
Research into resilience in neurodivergents shows that many people develop strong adaptive skills precisely because of repeated adversity.

Diagnosed After the Hard Work Was Done

I found out about my ADHD after I’d already established a career and family — while getting zero support.

The Feedback We All Heard

When you consider the amount of criticism and feedback we neurodivergents have endured over the years:

• “You’re too energetic, sit down”

• “Talkative”

• “Lack of attention”

• “Lack of social skills”

We constantly hear “try harder,” like we’re not already doing our absolute best.

What That Criticism Cost Us

It feels like shit. It can have a real negative effect on our confidence and self-esteem.

What the Science Says:
Studies consistently show that repeated negative feedback and rejection sensitivity are common experiences for people with ADHD, often linked to differences in emotional regulation circuits.

The Painful Process of Fixing Things

I’ll speak for myself and a few other neurodivergents who can relate.

As I went through the painful process of addressing some of these challenges and overcoming the setbacks, two things happened.

First, it gave me confidence and dopamine because I’d “fixed” something I was once criticised for.

Most importantly, it gave me a life skill: when even harsh feedback comes, I now have evidence that I’ve already overcome failure and setbacks before.

What the Science Says:
Some research on adults with ADHD has found higher experimental pain thresholds compared with neurotypical adults.

Researchers link this partly to the same attention and dopamine systems that affect focus — the brain can be slower to register certain discomfort signals. (Findings are mixed across studies, and this does not mean injuries should be ignored.)

The Attitude People Notice Now

It’s been a painful journey, but a priceless life skill that serves me every day. My attitude now is simple: I can overcome anything.

It’s constant feedback I received from my coworkers over the years in my career: “You have a great attitude.” (At times it was the perfect opportunity before they dumped more work on me!)

What the Science Says:
Recent studies also note that some people with ADHD actually function better under high environmental demand or stress, as urgency can trigger hyperfocus.

Strengths-based research further shows that recognising and using personal strengths (such as persistence after setbacks) is linked to better well-being and lower stress.

Still Standing and Stronger for It

Amongst it all, I regained my confidence tenfold after the early criticisms and setbacks.

That hard-earned resilience is the quiet superpower many of us carry. Scoping reviews of resilience in neurodivergence highlight that while outcomes vary widely, many people build meaningful lives by turning repeated challenges into adaptive strengths.

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In other neuro-related news… What I found interesting this week on the net.

1) Speaking on resilience. Shout out to Anthony Joshua. He won his first fight since losing his friends to the fatal car crash.

2) As a night owl ADHDer, having kids indirectly turned me into a morning person!

Lastly,

Stay Different,

The AuDHD Exec

Disclaimer: I am not your psychiatrist, coach, doctor. Neurodiverse Diary does not provide medical services or professional counselling and is not a substitute for professional medical care. Everything I publish represents my opinions, experience, not advice.