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Some of us ADHDers don’t like being told what to do. We’re not kids!

The problem with ADHD is that, more often than not, we do need to be told/ reminded what to do!

• Life admin

• Chores

• Gentle reminders

• Approving stuff at work

You name it!

Why don’t we like being told what to do?…

It’s not necessarily an ego or pride issue.

It’s more so the feeling of shame. Being told what to do can feel like an attack, highlighting our symptoms:

• Procrastination

• Distraction

• Lack of organization

• Lack of attention/focus

It feels like a trigger, especially if that’s the constant feedback we’ve been given over the years.

Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD)

Reminders often trigger intense emotional pain because they feel like criticism of our core self. This explains why neutral input lands like an attack.

Executive Dysfunction vs. Autonomy Needs

ADHD brains struggle with task initiation (not laziness), so we resist “orders” but thrive with collaborative systems like body doubling or shared checklists.

What’s helped me…

1) Therapy

In therapy, I learned to separate “signal” from “noise.”

A ‘reminder’ is just information, the “signal.” My brain was turning it into loud “noise” full of shame and criticism.

Once I could spot that pattern, the emotional sting lost its power. I became far less reactive. Gentle nudges no longer felt like attacks on my worth.

2) Coaching

Coaching helped me prepare instead of just react.
We built simple systems in advance:

• Shared checklists

• Weekly planning sessions, and

• Clear ways to ask for help without feeling small.

I started requesting reminders on my own terms, which made me more proactive and reduced that “being told what to do” feeling.

3) Self Reflection

Ironically, as a supervisor, I don’t like chasing and reminding people either!

I hate being a hypocrite, so it keeps me on my toes. Seeing how much I dislike giving constant reminders motivates me to get my own shit done promptly. It turned my discomfort into a powerful internal drive.

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Lastly,

Stay Different,

The AuDHD Exec

Disclaimer: I am not your psychiatrist, coach, doctor. Neurodiverse Diary does not provide medical services or professional counselling and is not a substitute for professional medical care. Everything I publish represents my opinions, experience, not advice.